Stinkin' Thinkin'

Welp, here it is.  Where I struggle most.  My thoughts.  Today was a great day...I had a friend sign up to do Weight Watchers with me and we are both committed to being healthy and HAPPY!  She deserves it...I deserve it!  We had a great breakfast, only 6 points.  Then I had lunch and a snack.  I knew that my husband and daughter would be making dinner tonight.  They had watched a video online about a new way to cook steak and were eager to try it!  I was prepared...I knew that it involved butter and seasonings.  I looked in my "Pocket Guide" and saw that under "Beef" it says that sirloin steak that has been trimmed is 1 point per ounce...sounds GREAT!  At dinner time I go into the kitchen and fix my plate...I weighed my steak and it was 8oz exactly...it seemed big, but I was quite hungry and I knew I had plenty of points so I also enjoyed some mashed potatoes.  Not much, but a little bit!  I topped my steak w/ some A1 and was looking great w/ my point count.  As we were eating I remembered to ask about how much butter was used.  Less than a Tblsp!!!!  YEA!!!  I'm doing great!  Then, during the conversation, it's mentioned that Olive Oil was also used.  I asked how much...bless their hearts...they thought that it would be alright...They used 3 Tblsp of Olive Oil...yep...you've figured it out...I realized that I would be WAY over my points for the day.  That's when the mind games begin.  Do I only eat a few bites?  I weighed my options and made a conscious decision to enjoy my steak, in it's entirety!!!  I decided to use some of my weekly points.  We sat there as a family and enjoyed a wonderful meal!  But now...now i'm regretting.  It should be ok.  I should be ok to use some of my weekly points.  That's why they're there.  When I need them.  I don't make a habit of using weeklies on a daily basis.  And i've also earned some Activity Points!  But the mind games are in full swing.  I'm beating myself up.  I don't want to rely on my Activity Points or my Weeklies....why is that?  It's part of the program!  I've been doing so great and yet here I am doubting my ability to stay the course.  THIS IS ABSURD!!!!  It's just ridiculous...the way I let my mind run...I HAVE been doing a good job.  It's not like I ran out and ate a cheesecake because I was upset!  Brace yourselves for this...are you ready????  I went a WHOPPING 3 POINTS over dailies.  3 measly points!!!!  I do know that it's ridiculous to be this way...honest, I do.  But it's the reality of me.  The bad stuff is easier to believe about myself.  The good stuff is hard.  I would really appreciate some prayer, friends!  I've got to get rid of the stinkin' thinkin'!!!  “Satan, you are a liar. I will not receive (or believe) your lie in the Name of Jesus.” - 2 Corinthian 10:5  "Begin to think on the Word or begin to sing a praise song to God. Make a conscious effort to fill your mind with good, pure, wholesome, and lovely thoughts" Philippians 4:8

Toodles,

Kelly

Been There....Ate That!

Yesterday was a great first day back in control!  The day started off with mowing our massive yard!  It was good exercise!  I made some yummy food (but didn't over do it!) and then we had a great July 4th celebration! 

This morning was my first meeting back at Weight Watchers!  I really love the women there!  They are supportive and encouraging and were genuinely happy to see me back!  Not gonna lie...I felt embarrassed, weak, and pathetic while weighing in.  I now weigh a whopping 20 pounds MORE than I did the last time I tried to get healthy.  The group this morning was very supportive also!  They helped me realize that i'm not alone in this battle...they've all "been there/ate that"!!!  It's funny, the things your know in your mind, but your heart hides away.  Ya know?  I mean...I know i'm not the only one struggling....but my heart (emotions) make me feel like I'm the only failure out there.  That's why I love the meetings.  It's great to hear encouraging stories of others that have struggled just as I am!  At first I didn't want to admit I was the kind of person that needed the meetings.  I wanted to be one of those that could do the online stuff and be strong all on my own.  Yea for those folks...but that ain't me!  The people in my group are a part of my journey...and what's cool is that I get to be a part of theirs as well! 

So the Weight Watchers plan has changed since I was there last.  It's more than just what I weigh...it's about ME!  ALL of me...all the wonderful/awful parts of me!  I'm going to try to get my "before" pic today and take my measurements.  Because on the days when the scale screams at me and makes me feel worthless, i'll be able to focus on the other parts of me that I can celebrate!  I'm going to try to focus on the good things about me whether I have a good scale day or not! 

I'm loving the "Connect" app for Weight Watchers.  It's like FB for Weight Watchers!  Only it's super positive!!!  If you are on it, follow me!  I'm "FitGirlKelly"  Silly name, I know!  But it's who i'm aiming for!  Hope you are all having an absolutely wonderful day! 

Toodles,

Kelly!

Independence Day.....

I'm back at it....blogging....I had a blog before but it's gone. So here I am...

I'm sitting here just trying to figure what has happened. How did it happen exactly? 2 years ago I was healthier than I had been in a quite awhile...several years, in fact. And I realize what it is. I'm still a slave to my emotions. Yes. A slave. Many of my friends do not agree w/ my belief that my weight issue is a spiritual battle. That's alright...I know it is. The devil wants me fat...he introduces feelings I really don't want to feel...and I fall for it. Every single time. The Lord waits patiently for me to lean on him instead of hiding away in a cheesecake...yes...an entire cheesecake! But, I put Him on the back burner. Well, no more. I can't. My weight is going to kill me. IT. IS. GOING. TO. KILL. ME. I say no. No more. No mas. I'm worth fighting for. I'm going to deal w/ the feels...no matter what it takes. He is with me at every step. He's already gone before me, I know that. He is paving a way for me. I just need follow.

I've decided that i'm going to give Weight Watchers another try. I know it works. I've tried Atkins....I just set myself up for failure because I have zero self-control. (for now...me and God are working that out) I've thought about going back to Metabolic Research...after all, I was most successful there. But until our finances are more stable, it's just too expensive. And then I realized....Weight Watchers gives me FREEDOM to choose. That's what i'm after, isn't it? Freedom? I no longer want to be a slave to my emotions. I usually wait for the first of the month...or the beginning of the week...no more waiting...i'm starting when I wake up! And then it occurred to me....tomorrow is Independence Day! INDEPENDENCE DAY, Y'ALL!!! I instantly thought of the motivational speech...I just have to share...here's my version!!!

"I can't be consumed by my petty emotions anymore. My heart and mind will be united in a common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July...and I will once again be fighting for my freedom. Not from tyranny or persecution...but from oppression and annihilation. I'm fighting for my right to live. To exist. And should I win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday...but as the day I declared with my voice, I will not go quietly into the night, I will not vanish without a fight, I'm going to live on. I'm going to survive. Today I celebrate MY INDEPENDENCE DAY!"

More to come!

Toodles,

Kelly